![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I think I’m a Clone Now
Dec. 19th, 2022 12:45 pmPost
Steve Rogers doesn’t talk about the gaps. It’s natural to have them, all of the medical research that’s been spouted at him by experts have driven the point home. The mind is a strange thing after all. It retains personally important information, disregards it out of pocket, holds onto the strangest things, and lets the past fade into fog.
It’s normal not to remember your mother’s face when you haven’t looked at it in years as long as you know her name and birthday. It’s fine having your childhood blur into bullet points because while they might have been formative years, you were always so sick during them so it’s not like they had anything worthwhile for the brain to cling to. The war had been horrifying, too much for any person to want to remember with any real clarity, so it’s been boiled down to bullet points on a timeline graph.
And all of that is before the sixty some years of being frozen. Advanced healing can’t fix everything, right?
All of that had been fine because no one who knew Steve before he put the plane down into the ocean had survived him with their own minds intact. There had been no one to point out his idiosyncrasies. No one to look at him funny when he ‘misremembered’ important things in his life that hadn’t made into the history books or the archived letters from those stationed with him or the propaganda films taken to show the folks back home about how Captain America was helping to protect their freedoms.
There hadn’t been until Bucky Barnes somehow broke out of HYDRA’s control, that is.
And perhaps that’s why Steve fought so hard to save him. The gaps in his memory have been caverns. The doctors said that the mind would heal and may fill in details for him as he connected new experiences to old ones, but that hadn’t happened. Not in any of the long years he’d been awake in this modern world.
He had needed Bucky as much as Bucky needed him. Two half minds might help to cobble together a whole after all.
Base reasoning aside, Steve feels nothing but numb when he picks himself up from the ground, standing over Tony Stark with his crushed in chest plate and broken reactor. He has no ide where that anger had come from. No idea why he had gone to such terrible lengths to stop his friend.
He drops the shield before Tony even tells him to, fingers slipping from the leather handle, before he shuffles back to where he had left Bucky.
Cold. Numb. Still frozen. The perfect soldier.
Steve Rogers doesn’t talk about the gaps. It’s natural to have them, all of the medical research that’s been spouted at him by experts have driven the point home. The mind is a strange thing after all. It retains personally important information, disregards it out of pocket, holds onto the strangest things, and lets the past fade into fog.
It’s normal not to remember your mother’s face when you haven’t looked at it in years as long as you know her name and birthday. It’s fine having your childhood blur into bullet points because while they might have been formative years, you were always so sick during them so it’s not like they had anything worthwhile for the brain to cling to. The war had been horrifying, too much for any person to want to remember with any real clarity, so it’s been boiled down to bullet points on a timeline graph.
And all of that is before the sixty some years of being frozen. Advanced healing can’t fix everything, right?
All of that had been fine because no one who knew Steve before he put the plane down into the ocean had survived him with their own minds intact. There had been no one to point out his idiosyncrasies. No one to look at him funny when he ‘misremembered’ important things in his life that hadn’t made into the history books or the archived letters from those stationed with him or the propaganda films taken to show the folks back home about how Captain America was helping to protect their freedoms.
There hadn’t been until Bucky Barnes somehow broke out of HYDRA’s control, that is.
And perhaps that’s why Steve fought so hard to save him. The gaps in his memory have been caverns. The doctors said that the mind would heal and may fill in details for him as he connected new experiences to old ones, but that hadn’t happened. Not in any of the long years he’d been awake in this modern world.
He had needed Bucky as much as Bucky needed him. Two half minds might help to cobble together a whole after all.
Base reasoning aside, Steve feels nothing but numb when he picks himself up from the ground, standing over Tony Stark with his crushed in chest plate and broken reactor. He has no ide where that anger had come from. No idea why he had gone to such terrible lengths to stop his friend.
He drops the shield before Tony even tells him to, fingers slipping from the leather handle, before he shuffles back to where he had left Bucky.
Cold. Numb. Still frozen. The perfect soldier.
(no subject)
Mar. 24th, 2021 06:10 pmNot every universe in the far and wide cosmos is as lucky (however unlucky itself that seems) to encounter Thanos during a time where people live who can do something about it. Steve Rogers, a particular version of Steve Rogers who had only just suffered through his first night of basic training in New Jersey as part of the Army’s Project Rebirth and thus had not yet become Captain America, bent to untie his shoes and saw his hands begin to disintegrate. He doesn’t panic, panicking is for people who do not live like every breath is their last. Instead, he blinks in surprise as the barracks fill with shouting. He has time to contemplate two things. One, he wishes he’d done more with his life. And two, he hopes Bucky will do all right.
He’s still thinking about that last issue when he exhales his last in a universe where Captain America never existed and finishes it bent over in the ruins of the barracks, roof half open to the sky and walls a burnt and ashy gray.
It takes him an hour to get to the road and by then, his asthma is already getting the best of him. He blacks out for the second time ‘that day’ and wakes up staring at the ceiling of what is obviously a hospital.
It just doesn’t sound or smell like a hospital. Sure. People are running around and yelling, but it smells painfully clean, artificially so, and there are machines he’s never seen before connected by wires to his body. He does the thing people should never do and yanks them loose. The machines squawk strangely and frantically and Steve is almost out of bed when two large men in green pajamas force him back.
Nothing makes sense to him for days. People come to talk to him, to find out who he is and who his family is. Evidently Steve Rogers is a popular name, because they bring in more people to talk to him, to ask him questions about his life, but no one has any answers.
He explodes, as he’s wont to do when frustrated, demands answers, but nothing they say makes sense.
By then, the war is over. Not World War II, which has evidently been over for over half a century, but this new war. And Bucky Barnes had been told of his presence. Steve is in bed, arms crossed, looking dour and getting an infusion of something that honestly is helping him breathe better when Bucky bursts into his now private room. It’s been two months
He’s still thinking about that last issue when he exhales his last in a universe where Captain America never existed and finishes it bent over in the ruins of the barracks, roof half open to the sky and walls a burnt and ashy gray.
It takes him an hour to get to the road and by then, his asthma is already getting the best of him. He blacks out for the second time ‘that day’ and wakes up staring at the ceiling of what is obviously a hospital.
It just doesn’t sound or smell like a hospital. Sure. People are running around and yelling, but it smells painfully clean, artificially so, and there are machines he’s never seen before connected by wires to his body. He does the thing people should never do and yanks them loose. The machines squawk strangely and frantically and Steve is almost out of bed when two large men in green pajamas force him back.
Nothing makes sense to him for days. People come to talk to him, to find out who he is and who his family is. Evidently Steve Rogers is a popular name, because they bring in more people to talk to him, to ask him questions about his life, but no one has any answers.
He explodes, as he’s wont to do when frustrated, demands answers, but nothing they say makes sense.
By then, the war is over. Not World War II, which has evidently been over for over half a century, but this new war. And Bucky Barnes had been told of his presence. Steve is in bed, arms crossed, looking dour and getting an infusion of something that honestly is helping him breathe better when Bucky bursts into his now private room. It’s been two months
Steve's backpack currently contains:
notepad, notebook, black marker x2, pencil sharpener, stationary, toothbrush x2, deodorant, baby powder, washcloth, dry erase markers, ash shovel, aspirin, sunscreen, tweezers, charcoal x4, baseball cap, colored pencils, sweater, pens (red, blue, black), lighter, chapstick
notepad, notebook, black marker x2, pencil sharpener, stationary, toothbrush x2, deodorant, baby powder, washcloth, dry erase markers, ash shovel, aspirin, sunscreen, tweezers, charcoal x4, baseball cap, colored pencils, sweater, pens (red, blue, black), lighter, chapstick
Here's a list of the sketches that Steve has done in the various notebooks and pads he's collected.
Notebook:
Pages 1-6: notes on anomalies || Medium: black marker
Page 7: boots at the bottom of a mattress || Medium: black marker
Page: 8-9 left blank from marker bleed through
Pages 10-11: Map plotting out course to Building 75 || Medium: black marker
Page 11: left blank from marker bleed through and charcoal dust
Page 12: Bucky in profile, jaw and shoulder || Medium: charcoal
Page 13: left blank
Page 14: Peggy Carter, smiling, shoulders and head || Medium: red and blue colored pencils
Notebook:
Pages 1-6: notes on anomalies || Medium: black marker
Page 7: boots at the bottom of a mattress || Medium: black marker
Page: 8-9 left blank from marker bleed through
Pages 10-11: Map plotting out course to Building 75 || Medium: black marker
Page 11: left blank from marker bleed through and charcoal dust
Page 12: Bucky in profile, jaw and shoulder || Medium: charcoal
Page 13: left blank
Page 14: Peggy Carter, smiling, shoulders and head || Medium: red and blue colored pencils
(no subject)
Oct. 15th, 2019 02:42 pm"New York City isn't exactly known for it's large, indigenous wolf population."
Steve isn't really paying attention to Tony Stark's yammering over a file he'd probably glanced at and tossed aside. He's too busy trying to get the screen to work properly so that a flick of his thumb across the surface won't send him ten pages ahead in the document he's trying to read or close out the pictures he's attempting to enhance. He understands the whole concept of renewable resources and he understands that the environment can't really sustain felling trees willy nilly, but he misses being handed folders with actually paper to spread out on the table in front of him.
Nastasha, thankfully, takes pity on him and the images of men and women with their throats pulled out appear on the large screen on the wall behind her. Steve isn't particularly pleased to see these things up close but he needs to know what they're actually planning her.
"Trained attack dogs?" Sam offers, but Steve, squinting, shakes his head.
"Germans used dogs during the war," he half muses. "That sort of mauling isn't what dogs can do. It's too--"
"Clean," Natasha offers and Steve nods. "This isn't the first time SHIELD has come across something like this." The photos on the screen change, become older and grainier. Not as clear. Steve can hear Tony muttering about glasses but ignores him again. "Same MO. Same lethal precision. Same wounds. They recovered fibers at the scene. Same fibers we have this time around too."
Steve's eyebrow arches. "You're going to say wolf?"
Natasha is grim as she nods. "Almost."
Bruce finally chimes in too. "Not just wolf," he says, adjusting nothing at all on his face as he's actually handed over his glasses to Stark, who is comically wearing them and looking pleased with himself. "Wolf and human DNA. I checked the old fibers too. It's unreal."
"So we have sixty years of attacks that tend to occur in three night cycles every month with a few years off in between groups," Tony says, leaning back, still in Bruce's glasses. "Sounds like a werewolf to me."
Steve snorts. "Now I've heard of a lot of crazy things," hell, he is one of those things, "but let's not jump to extremes. Do you think you can use the fibers from last night's attack to get a reading on where we might be able to find out who is--"
"Or what," Tony interrupts. "And yes. Ahead of you as always. We're ready to go for tonight."
There's not much else that needs to be discussed and so Steve nods, leaves the tablet behind to get some rest, and just after nightfall, heads to his spot on a roof not too far away from the Hudson River in Hells Kitchen to wait for something to happen. He expects nothing will, or that one of the other Avengers will be closer to the action when Tony's sensors go off.
Steve isn't really paying attention to Tony Stark's yammering over a file he'd probably glanced at and tossed aside. He's too busy trying to get the screen to work properly so that a flick of his thumb across the surface won't send him ten pages ahead in the document he's trying to read or close out the pictures he's attempting to enhance. He understands the whole concept of renewable resources and he understands that the environment can't really sustain felling trees willy nilly, but he misses being handed folders with actually paper to spread out on the table in front of him.
Nastasha, thankfully, takes pity on him and the images of men and women with their throats pulled out appear on the large screen on the wall behind her. Steve isn't particularly pleased to see these things up close but he needs to know what they're actually planning her.
"Trained attack dogs?" Sam offers, but Steve, squinting, shakes his head.
"Germans used dogs during the war," he half muses. "That sort of mauling isn't what dogs can do. It's too--"
"Clean," Natasha offers and Steve nods. "This isn't the first time SHIELD has come across something like this." The photos on the screen change, become older and grainier. Not as clear. Steve can hear Tony muttering about glasses but ignores him again. "Same MO. Same lethal precision. Same wounds. They recovered fibers at the scene. Same fibers we have this time around too."
Steve's eyebrow arches. "You're going to say wolf?"
Natasha is grim as she nods. "Almost."
Bruce finally chimes in too. "Not just wolf," he says, adjusting nothing at all on his face as he's actually handed over his glasses to Stark, who is comically wearing them and looking pleased with himself. "Wolf and human DNA. I checked the old fibers too. It's unreal."
"So we have sixty years of attacks that tend to occur in three night cycles every month with a few years off in between groups," Tony says, leaning back, still in Bruce's glasses. "Sounds like a werewolf to me."
Steve snorts. "Now I've heard of a lot of crazy things," hell, he is one of those things, "but let's not jump to extremes. Do you think you can use the fibers from last night's attack to get a reading on where we might be able to find out who is--"
"Or what," Tony interrupts. "And yes. Ahead of you as always. We're ready to go for tonight."
There's not much else that needs to be discussed and so Steve nods, leaves the tablet behind to get some rest, and just after nightfall, heads to his spot on a roof not too far away from the Hudson River in Hells Kitchen to wait for something to happen. He expects nothing will, or that one of the other Avengers will be closer to the action when Tony's sensors go off.
Synopsis: Steve and Nat play Cat's Cradle before the meeting with Tony and Clint in Area P9, Building 108).This does not go over well and Steve decides he's better off leaving the group and doing good elsewhere. He talks to Al and they plan a meet up in the next few days so that Steve can help him go after the Joker. He spends the night in Area M11, Building 61.
Synopsis: Bucky and Steve part ways after being stuck for a full day and two nights together in Area O3, Building 74. Steve spends all of Day 155 marching across the desolate snow towards where he is to meet up with Clint, just about making it to Building 108 at lockdown of Area P9.
Snowblind - Day 153 & 154
Aug. 30th, 2016 07:57 amSynposis: Steve finally makes it to the convenience store but it's not the same one that Clint mentioned heading towards. Mallard River Market (building 75) has electricity and an SD card dispenser. There's also food and a working bathroom. After finding some tweezers and sunscreen, he makes an excited network post aimed at Tony Stark about the electronics he'd found. Tony and Steve actually have a better than usual conversion. John Watson also gives him some advice on that bad cough of his. Later that day, he stays in a very creepy building covered in math equations that even he knows are wrong (building 74). His other self had also been here. Steve hits the motherload on some drawing supplies and finds a box of charcoals. Just before lockdown, however, an unexpected visitor arrives. Bucky becomes trapped with Steve overnight.
The obituaries are posted on the morning of Day 154. Steve and Bucky are stuck inside the crazy math house for another day due to impenetrable fog when Steve checks the feed on the network and sees Clint's death posted. After a little freak out, to which Natasha (who also chats with him a little about the night with Bucky) and Tony both respond, Steve tries to clear his head enough to bolster poor Al's heartbreak. It's nearing evening when Clint revives and contacts Steve and Steve resolves to meet up with all of the Avengers finally.
The obituaries are posted on the morning of Day 154. Steve and Bucky are stuck inside the crazy math house for another day due to impenetrable fog when Steve checks the feed on the network and sees Clint's death posted. After a little freak out, to which Natasha (who also chats with him a little about the night with Bucky) and Tony both respond, Steve tries to clear his head enough to bolster poor Al's heartbreak. It's nearing evening when Clint revives and contacts Steve and Steve resolves to meet up with all of the Avengers finally.
Snowblind - Day 152
Aug. 30th, 2016 07:56 amSynopsis: Steve spends the night in a house with holes in the roof (building 80). He manages to find some dry erase markers, a notebook and some chocolate. He's too cold to do anything else though and nearly freezes that night.
Snowblind - Day 151
Aug. 24th, 2016 10:53 amSynopsis: It's another slow, horribly boring day for Steve. He moves when he can but it's so cold that he's mostly doing his best to just keep from freezing. He spends the night in a house (88) where he finds some aspirin, an ash shovel and a toothbrush. He doesn't have any toothpaste but it's still nice to brush his teeth even with just some water.
RL Dates: 8/24 to 8/26
RL Dates: 8/24 to 8/26
Snowblind - Day 150
Aug. 19th, 2016 10:15 am Synopsis: Steve spends this day trudging northward after finally figuring out where he is now that the haze has let up. He's once again heading towards the convenience store.
RL Dates: 8/21 to 8/23
RL Dates: 8/21 to 8/23
Snowblind - Day 149
Aug. 17th, 2016 01:14 pmSynopsis: It's so cold that Steve mostly hangs around in the barely-warm houses he passes. Around midday, he listens to Cecil's post from the previous night in horror as the strange man dies of exposure. He finds a house with heating to spend the night in (Building 104) and draws when his fingers allow him to do so. Otherwise, he mostly scans the tablet. It seems like Steve, just with everyone in Norfinbury, is too cold to move.
RL Dates: 8/18 to 8/20
RL Dates: 8/18 to 8/20
Snowblind - Day 148
Aug. 17th, 2016 01:12 pmSynopsis: It's extremely cold today and Steve moves as quickly as he can. Unfortunately, there's also a hazy shimmer across town and he gets himself turned around. Bucky contacts him through Natasha's tablet as soon as he wakes up, though the conversation leaves them no better than before. He runs into Cecil and has a weird conversation and hunkers down in Building 113, freezing cold, only to try and spend some time on the network wishing everyone, including Solomons and Clint warmth. He promises to try to meet up with Clint and Tony as soon as possible. It turns out that the house isn't completely abandoned though and Steve discovers Zach and Steph in the next room. They thankfully choose to share a little body heat and Steve makes it through the night.
RL Dates: 8/15 - 8/17
RL Dates: 8/15 - 8/17
Snowblind: Day 147
Aug. 12th, 2016 10:53 amSynopsis: Steve moves to the gas station, looking for writing implements to amuse himself with drawing during the very long and lonely nights. He checks in with Tony, Natasha and Clint as promised once there. Sometime during the day, Natasha also makes a network post requesting information gathering to be centralized and Steve offers his services. Afterwards, he moved north to Building 102 in sector R8 where he spends the night.
RL Dates: 8/12 - 8/14
RL Dates: 8/12 - 8/14
Snowblind: Day 146
Aug. 11th, 2016 05:51 pmSynopsis: Steve wakes up in Sector V11, building 122. He makes a network post after the tablet tells him the time. It's cold. He no longer has any of the benefits he gained through the Super Soldier program. His team is missing. His shield is missing. He discovers that he was not the first Steve Rogers in the city. He learns about what this place is like thanks to John Watson, Solomons, Alphonse and Brian..
Versions of his friends contact him, including a newly arrived Clint. He connects a little with Natasha and Tony Stark, both of whom agree to keep in touch.
Friends of the previous Captain Rogers contact him such as Frisk, Fitz, and Kunsel,. He learns from Stephanie Brown that Peggy Carter had been here but died a week ago and never returned. He learns that Bucky is here too but is not the same man he had helped clear of terrorist activities after he broke from his programming. Bucky contacts him too but Steve doesn't know it's him.
He decides to keep up with the work that the last Captain Rogers was doing. During the day, Steve moves to Sector Q11 and spends the night alone in Building 119.
Versions of his friends contact him, including a newly arrived Clint. He connects a little with Natasha and Tony Stark, both of whom agree to keep in touch.
Friends of the previous Captain Rogers contact him such as Frisk, Fitz, and Kunsel,. He learns from Stephanie Brown that Peggy Carter had been here but died a week ago and never returned. He learns that Bucky is here too but is not the same man he had helped clear of terrorist activities after he broke from his programming. Bucky contacts him too but Steve doesn't know it's him.
He decides to keep up with the work that the last Captain Rogers was doing. During the day, Steve moves to Sector Q11 and spends the night alone in Building 119.
Snowblind Permissions
Aug. 10th, 2016 10:22 am[OOC]
Backtagging: Yes.
Threadhopping: Absolutely.
Fourthwalling: Story of his life lately. Go for it.
Offensive subjects: Yay!
[IC]
Hugging this character: Yes
Kissing this character: Better let him handle the first move or it will be real awkward, real quick..
Flirting with this character: Sure, don't expect him to realize it.
Fighting this character: Yes.
Injuring this character: Yes.
Killing this character: Yes, but with some planning
Using telepathy/mind reading abilities on this character: Yes, I'll do my best to fill in thoughts if I know your character can do this.
Warnings: He's a man from the 40s leaving in present day America. He's adaptable but he still has an old timey sensibility. And he likely will not always know what you're talking about but he fakes understanding pretty well.
Backtagging: Yes.
Threadhopping: Absolutely.
Fourthwalling: Story of his life lately. Go for it.
Offensive subjects: Yay!
[IC]
Hugging this character: Yes
Kissing this character: Better let him handle the first move or it will be real awkward, real quick..
Flirting with this character: Sure, don't expect him to realize it.
Fighting this character: Yes.
Injuring this character: Yes.
Killing this character: Yes, but with some planning
Using telepathy/mind reading abilities on this character: Yes, I'll do my best to fill in thoughts if I know your character can do this.
Warnings: He's a man from the 40s leaving in present day America. He's adaptable but he still has an old timey sensibility. And he likely will not always know what you're talking about but he fakes understanding pretty well.
Snowblind Inbox
Aug. 10th, 2016 10:16 amIf you would be so kind, please leave a message after the tone with your name,
your number, and the best time to reach you. Thank you very much.
Uh, Tony? How long am I supposed to-- BEEP
