(no subject)

[bottledblond]

Not every universe in the far and wide cosmos is as lucky (however unlucky itself that seems) to encounter Thanos during a time where people live who can do something about it. Steve Rogers, a particular version of Steve Rogers who had only just suffered through his first night of basic training in New Jersey as part of the Army’s Project Rebirth and thus had not yet become Captain America, bent to untie his shoes and saw his hands begin to disintegrate. He doesn’t panic, panicking is for people who do not live like every breath is their last. Instead, he blinks in surprise as the barracks fill with shouting. He has time to contemplate two things. One, he wishes he’d done more with his life. And two, he hopes Bucky will do all right.

He’s still thinking about that last issue when he exhales his last in a universe where Captain America never existed and finishes it bent over in the ruins of the barracks, roof half open to the sky and walls a burnt and ashy gray.

It takes him an hour to get to the road and by then, his asthma is already getting the best of him. He blacks out for the second time ‘that day’ and wakes up staring at the ceiling of what is obviously a hospital.

It just doesn’t sound or smell like a hospital. Sure. People are running around and yelling, but it smells painfully clean, artificially so, and there are machines he’s never seen before connected by wires to his body. He does the thing people should never do and yanks them loose. The machines squawk strangely and frantically and Steve is almost out of bed when two large men in green pajamas force him back.

Nothing makes sense to him for days. People come to talk to him, to find out who he is and who his family is. Evidently Steve Rogers is a popular name, because they bring in more people to talk to him, to ask him questions about his life, but no one has any answers.

He explodes, as he’s wont to do when frustrated, demands answers, but nothing they say makes sense.

By then, the war is over. Not World War II, which has evidently been over for over half a century, but this new war. And Bucky Barnes had been told of his presence. Steve is in bed, arms crossed, looking dour and getting an infusion of something that honestly is helping him breathe better when Bucky bursts into his now private room. It’s been two months

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[woundedwinter]

There's an odd shift in his mood, the way his eyes change and his heartbeat picks up a fraction. He's about to ask when Steve clearly deflects.

It's okay. Now isn't the time or place for any deeper conversation.

A grin, "Nothing to be ashamed of, Stevie. We got the information we needed, we're all still alive so I think we can call it a win."

[bottledblond]

“Do we know where that scientist is?” Because that would be amazing, a true win! They could talk to the man, get him to stop what he’s doing and maybe give them a way to stop the people that had already been infected by the serum. Their aggression and violence couldn’t be something sustainable. And their need to collect magical wreckage from a witch—

Steve’s eyes go bright again.

“I keep thinking about how surreal this all is. Like we’re living in a story. I... I just feel real lucky to be with you, Bucky. When you went away, off to war, I was so afraid that I’d never see you again and— I’m getting off topic. The serum.”

[woundedwinter]

"Sharon and Sam are working that out with Bruce right now. FRIDAY should have a location for us soon."

The enthusiasm, the genuine desire to help and share it with him makes his chest feel warm and fluttery in ways he didn't honestly think possible. So he smiles at him, stepping in a little closer.

"You're not the only one who feels lucky," he promises him. "You're here. I never thought I'd see you again after Thanos and here you are."

A soft huff as he shakes his head, "One miracle right after another, huh?"

[bottledblond]

Steve’s smile softens. After Thanos, Bucky says, after than creature that took the other Steve from him. Bucky has said repeatedly that he’s happy to have him, but Steve still takes it to mean that he’s happy for any Steve.

And why shouldn’t he be? They’re still the same at heart. Up until the point that Steve had faded from his timeline, they’re the same. Just like Bucky is the same as the man he’d always known, at his core.

The same. But diverged. They hold a nostalgia for each other. But Bucky isn’t mourning the loss of the memories of years after together just as Steve isn’t mourning Bucky’s changes.

He needs to knock it out of his head that he’s any less. Bucky hadn’t made him feel that way yet.

As the other steps closer, Steve reaches out to put his hand on the metal wrist. It’s become a touchstone. “Buck, we need to hash out some plans for ourselves after this,” he says. “For me and you. To make a real space for the two of us—“

“Not interrupting and I?” Sam says suddenly from down the corridor. He doesn’t look too pleased and Steve drops Bucky’s wrist immediately.

“No. Not at all.” Except in every way. “Find the guy for us?”

Sam’s frown deepens. “Uh. Yeah. You won’t believe where. Doctor Banner parked right by him.”

[woundedwinter]

Plans for ourselves.. me and you.. the two of us.

It's everything he'd ever hoped for, even when he'd stopped trying to look for hope.

And leave it to Wilson to fuck it all up. He catches Sam's expression and matches it with a flare stare of his own because they are going to have to have a very frank discussion about things in the painfully near future.

So he turns back to Steve first, "Yeah, we'll do that pal."

Then it's back to business and he nods. "Right by the jet?" Their luck is never, ever that good. "We're sure?"

[bottledblond]

Sam’s return glare makes it obvious that he’s up for that conversation but Steve steps between the two. It doesn’t break their sight line but he’s done with these weird games the two men play. They need to get over their ego contest already.

At least Sam does comply with that. It’s easy to fall back under Steve’s direction. Even if he’s not tall enough to ride Space Mountain alone.

“Somewhere at the dock, yeah. We have a shipping container number. Banner is already doing the scans for the contains he can see. We think it’s better off if we get there just after dawn though. Seems Madripoor is more of a dusk til dawn city without the vampires.”

“Vampires...? Vampires are a thing...?” Steve asks, eyebrows arching.

((AS K WAS WRITING THAT IDEA! VAMPIRE Tony WAS SNAPPED BACK TO THIS TIMELINE TOO INSTEAD OF OTHER NORMAL TONY AND SOMEONE IS HOLDING HKM UNDERGROUND SOMEWHERE FOR LATER!!!!!)

[woundedwinter]

((HOLY CRAP that's freaking brilliant and I love it. Yes. So much yes.))

Bucky rubs his eyes because vampires. Great. The last thing he really wants to deal with or see but when had life lately given him what he wanted?

Then he sees wide blue eyes and the world feels right again. Sam can take his hurt ego and idea that Steve is somehow his and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. The decision will always be Steve's. Always.

"Yeah, undoing what Thanos did had some pretty screwy effects," Bucky offers. "Vampires, werewolves," a quirk of a smile, "punks pulled out of time."

And he'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

"Come on. Let's see what Bruce has for us." And to see what silver Sharon might have for them considering most of his good knives were left behind in bodies on the streets.

[bottledblond]

“Come on, guys. It’s a movie,” Sam responds with exasperation, but leads the two back downstairs to Sharon. “I’m going to vote to stay here for the next few hours. There’s not much room to relax with Bruce when he stretches out.”

Sharon isn’t really pleased to have the trio stay with her for longer than required but they do need to keep their heads down and it’s true. Moving in the daylight will be safer. “If you’re parking it here, I’ll bring some blankets. And you need some bandages,” she asks Bucky, frowning at him and prompting Steve to look surprised. “Or are you healing all right?”

“What...? You’re shot? You got hit?!”

Sam frowns. “I got grazed a bit too,” he murmurs, wanting sympathy too.

[woundedwinter]

Bucky snorts, because Bruce can make himself comfortable wherever he damn well pleases. He's one of them after all. A bit of a grieving widower since the battle but who can blame him?

Christ knows Bucky can't.

His lips thin as he holds out a hand to Steve. "I'm okay. I took a few minor hits but with the serum it heals fast enough. No infection, I promise. I could stand a shower to clean the blood off but that's it."

An eye roll at Sam's play for sympathy. "Maybe Sharon can patch you up while I wash down."

[bottledblond]

“Maybe Sharon has helped you two boys enough,” the woman says, and gestures for Steve to follow her. “Come with me. You can carry the blankets. Bathroom’s through there,” she directs Bucky, though leaves him with Sam to scowl at.

Or maybe try not to act like they’re jealous.

She can’t blame them. Everyone in Steve Roger’s life seems to be sweet on him. Luckily for her, she likes her men tall. This version won’t do it for her. But he’s nice enough to talk to and won’t make her break international laws either in the process. Win-win.

Sam is going to follow Bucky back to the bathroom. Not because he needs to use it but because he wants to discuss their next move without Steve around. The guy puts blinders on Bucky, though he knows he doesn’t mean to. Can’t possibly.

Steve Rogers and Barnes were never like that.

[woundedwinter]

"Unless you're offering to scrub my back you can wait outside," he says over his shoulder at Sam. Bucky really doesn't want to have this conversation. He doesn't want to lose the damned few people close to him, but he's afraid that he just might.

"I don't need any help in the shower."

[bottledblond]

“I just need confirmation that you’re not getting mixed up,” Sam says, leaning in the doorway. “And that you’re not confusing him.”

Maybe more of that last sentence.

“We have to have some sort of truce on this, man. We gotta get this worked out because we can’t protect him and ourselves and each other if we got this thing going on.”

[woundedwinter]

And just like that every defensive wall he has slams into place. Mixed up? Confused? Bucky exhales and scrubs his face with his hand.

"Don't. Don't come in here accusing me of a single goddamned thing. I told you I'm trying. I told you I'm still figuring this shit out and so is he."

"Why is this pissing you off so much?"

[bottledblond]

“Because of what me and Steve had,” Sam says before it dawns on him that he’s had this wrong the whole time.

Sam’s a good man. He tells the truth. He tells it like it is. He’s done his best as a sidekick and he’s done his best helping Steve take care of whatever it is he needed to take care of.

But Bucky doesn’t know. He’d gone into all of this, for the last five years, thinking Bucky understood. He’d gone into this mess with a younger, different Steve thinking Bucky was protective because of what Sam and Steve used to have.

It makes his jaw set. You’re not supposed to be mad at the dead. You’re not supposed to be angry with them. But is Steve really dead? He turned to dust. Sam grieved. Mostly alone, because the world was in chaos.

And evidently because Bucky, getting well in Wakanda, had never known what Steve meant to him.

“Ah shit. You know what, Buck, forget I said anything. I’m sorry.”

[woundedwinter]

A whispered curse as Sam's words hit him harder than a physical blow.

Goddamnit Steve.

And none of this is made easier with a new Steve, one who never went though Rebirth. The Steve in the other room never met and fell in love with Peggy or watched him fall from the train or saw him reborn as an assassin.

He sags against the wall and wishes bitterly, not for the first time, that he had stayed in Wakanda. It would have made so many people's lives easier.

"No. Not gonna forget it."

He licks his lips and struggles for the right words, hoping that Sam will give him the time to frame this right.

"I've loved him since we were kids. The Steve from Vienna? The one who took me to Siberia to stop the other Soliders?" Christ it hurts to say. "He never loved me."

"He had time to make his own way, to find people who weren't so fucked in the head. That Steve didn't want me."

His jaw works. "I'm not trying to confuse him. I'm not. But I can't.. I can't stop the way that I feel and I can't turn him away."

"I'm not that fucking strong."

[bottledblond]

Sam gives Bucky his ear because that’s what he does. It’s what he’s figured out that he’s really good at. Being the Falcon is great and all, and his career with the Air Force had been fulfilling, but nothing had felt quite as good as helping people the way he’d helped those vets.

And Bucky is a vet too. A vet of too many wars to count, both public and in secret. The guy has a lot more than just this to say but Sam will listen just the same.

He doesn’t interrupt, but he does shift his weight so he’s not quite blocking the door anymore, his shoulders and hips against the wood with the whole jamb now open for escape should Bucky need it.

“I think he never told you because he thought you might not understand. And he didn’t have time to make it so you would when you had enough in your head to deal with.”

He’s not going to cheapen Bucky’s feelings by telling him that of course Steve loved him because he might have moved on romantically. And Bucky knows that Steve of course love him, at least like a brother. A friend.

“I get it now. I do. I thought...I thought you were afraid I’d try to make him love me again. That you were being protective. Like I corrupted him. I’m sorry Buck. I’m an asshole.”

[woundedwinter]

In the moment before Sam reacts, Bucky experiences something he hasn't in a very long time. Fear. Fear that he's going to lose a friend, fear that he's not going to be able to navigate this when talking about feelings is still so terribly difficult for him.

He should have known better.
Sam was always a good listener and even better at reacting the right way.

The tension he'd walked into the room with melts away and he refuses to hide his relief at the way Sam accepts what he said.

"I don't know what I'm doing here," he admits weakly. "The last time I stepped out with a guy was in the dark and in secret because neither of us could risk jail before we shipped out."

Bucky swallows because this part really shouldn't be so damned hard to admit. "You're my friend, Sam. I got damn few of them. I don't want whatever's going on here to mess that up."

[bottledblond]

Sam lifts his chin. “That Steve isn’t my Steve,” Sam says, definitively. “There’s no history there. He’s ten years younger than when I met him. I’m not a threat to you on that front,” he promises. “My Steve is gone.” Just like Avery. Sam has had his share of heartache but he understands that when you tangle with soldiers, there’s always a chance that one of you just isn’t coming back.

But what Sam may be signaling to a Bucky is that obviously Steve happens to go the way Bucky does. Perhaps bisexuality was just as common in Bucky’s time as it is now. Hard to say. Sam never asked. It wasn’t part of their story together.

And now that story is over too.

“I followed you here just because I could tell back in that fight that you were putting yourself at risk. Stupid risk. I’m all for having everyone’s back but if there’s one thing I know most of all, gotta watch the mission over the team. And that’s not something Steve and I ever agreed on so it’s okay if you and I don’t either. But we need to be up front about it. Can’t keep big secrets when we are all we have left in this.”

And Banner, of course, but Banner’s one of the old guard. And Sam sees himself as a New Avenger.

Bucky too.

[woundedwinter]

Bucky can't argue that he put himself at risk, but he's not sure Sam understands why he did it. So he pulls his shirt off and gestures at the already healing injuries across his body. "Not exactly. Look, I put myself first in that fight because I know how much damage I can handle. Gunshots, knives, broken bones, I know what I can take and keep fighting."

"I don't want to see either of you hurt when I can take the hit and be back in fighting shape in a day or two." Usually less if he pushed it, and HYDRA always pushed it.

"You're both too important to me."

[bottledblond]

It’s not that Sam hadn’t known that Bucky was the same as Steve, but it’s hard to really wrap your mind around it without seeing it. The Falcon nods, understanding, and unfolds his arms from over his chest.

“I want you to know that you’re my friend, too. I might have had a hand in clearing your name for Steve’s sake but I’ve always thought you and I were friends.” Maybe that’s not quite the truth but Sam’s tried a whole lot harder than Bucky to stay in touch over the years. “Okay, are we gonna bull hug this out?” he grins, opening his arms. “Let’s hug this out.”

[woundedwinter]

Okay.
Good.
So it's settled.

Then he has to go and be all Sam about it and insist on a hug and Bucky can't help but pull a face. "I'm not a huge hugger. Can't we just agree that everything's fine?"

But fine. Just this once.
A quick hug.

Then there's a tap at the door because they haven't started the water yet and Bruce may have found more information for them.

[bottledblond]

Sam of course let’s Bucky go, turning towards the door a floor below. “Clean up. I’ll go see what’s up.”

When Bucky comes down to see about the information, it’s not Bruce seated on the couch. He sticks out like a sore thumb and has elected to stay instead with the quinjet. Instead, it’s just delivery. Steve and Sharon are having Chinese and Sam is puttering around on his phone, socked feet up on the coffee table.

Steve can’t help but smile when Bucky returns, noting the wet fringe of hair. “Sharon said her shower head has fifteen different settings. Want some sweet and sour pork?”

[woundedwinter]

The food smells amazing and he runs a hand through his damp hair. "Wouldn't know," he grins and sits next to him and accepts one of the offered boxes of food. "I'm still pretty happy for hot running water and good water pressure."

Bucky takes the fork and digs in, "Getting settled in okay while they do the research?"

[bottledblond]

“Nothing else to do,” Sharon speaks up. “Research complete. We just need to move in. Before you guys get tracked here. Or they realize there’s a Stark Industries jet in Low Town.” She’s already standing up. “You three can fight for the pull out couch and the recliner. I’m going to bed. See you in three hours.”

Steve, of course, wishes her a cheery good night and has a little more food before he’s finally starting to wind down.

He will likely nap with his head on the arm rest and Sam will just fall asleep as is, phone in his lap. He learned early on in his career to sleep where and while you can.

They have a big day tomorrow. Hopefully, they can destroy the lab and find out where the serum got to.

[woundedwinter]

Bucky doesn't feel like sleeping, not in a strange place and not after a near escape from that club. But he trusts that Sharon would only stay in a secure place and eventually he slips into a light doze.

Three hours will come up on them fast, but dawn will give them an advantage when they hunt down that lab.

He dreams, but this time it's a good dream. Him and Steve, somewhere warm and safe. Building a life together.

So maybe he wakes up a little grumpy because it isn't often his dreams are good ones. But there's a bit of extra food and the promise of stopping the serum traffickers. He can settle for that.