(no subject)

[bottledblond]

"New York City isn't exactly known for it's large, indigenous wolf population."

Steve isn't really paying attention to Tony Stark's yammering over a file he'd probably glanced at and tossed aside. He's too busy trying to get the screen to work properly so that a flick of his thumb across the surface won't send him ten pages ahead in the document he's trying to read or close out the pictures he's attempting to enhance. He understands the whole concept of renewable resources and he understands that the environment can't really sustain felling trees willy nilly, but he misses being handed folders with actually paper to spread out on the table in front of him.

Nastasha, thankfully, takes pity on him and the images of men and women with their throats pulled out appear on the large screen on the wall behind her. Steve isn't particularly pleased to see these things up close but he needs to know what they're actually planning her.

"Trained attack dogs?" Sam offers, but Steve, squinting, shakes his head.

"Germans used dogs during the war," he half muses. "That sort of mauling isn't what dogs can do. It's too--"

"Clean," Natasha offers and Steve nods. "This isn't the first time SHIELD has come across something like this." The photos on the screen change, become older and grainier. Not as clear. Steve can hear Tony muttering about glasses but ignores him again. "Same MO. Same lethal precision. Same wounds. They recovered fibers at the scene. Same fibers we have this time around too."

Steve's eyebrow arches. "You're going to say wolf?"

Natasha is grim as she nods. "Almost."

Bruce finally chimes in too. "Not just wolf," he says, adjusting nothing at all on his face as he's actually handed over his glasses to Stark, who is comically wearing them and looking pleased with himself. "Wolf and human DNA. I checked the old fibers too. It's unreal."

"So we have sixty years of attacks that tend to occur in three night cycles every month with a few years off in between groups," Tony says, leaning back, still in Bruce's glasses. "Sounds like a werewolf to me."

Steve snorts. "Now I've heard of a lot of crazy things," hell, he is one of those things, "but let's not jump to extremes. Do you think you can use the fibers from last night's attack to get a reading on where we might be able to find out who is--"

"Or what," Tony interrupts. "And yes. Ahead of you as always. We're ready to go for tonight."

There's not much else that needs to be discussed and so Steve nods, leaves the tablet behind to get some rest, and just after nightfall, heads to his spot on a roof not too far away from the Hudson River in Hells Kitchen to wait for something to happen. He expects nothing will, or that one of the other Avengers will be closer to the action when Tony's sensors go off.

Comments

[endsinafight]

Long way from the Brooklyn we grew up in.

The statement gives him pause, stirs distant imagery of a metal fire escape and the smell of cigarette smoke, of a small body pressed up against his side and a feeling of contentment in his chest. It vanishes almost as quickly as it was there and he blinks a couple of times, glancing at the tray of food and drink that Steve had brought in. The green liquid reminds him of the sludge they always used in his tube and though it's familiar, he doesn't want it now.

He eyes the bowl of what he somehow knows is soup even if he can't remember having it before. It's the soup that he hesitantly picks up, mostly because of Steve's words. The bowl is hot in his hands but he lifts it to his mouth and takes a drink of the broth. Then he glances at Steve as it dawns on him he might've wanted the soup and he holds the bowl toward him to share.

[bottledblond]

“All yours, pal,” Steve says, though he does finally come closer to Bucky. He can smell him, sweat and metal all over his skin, and something a little bit animalistic too, though as he’s never had a pet, he can’t know for certain that the extra scent is dog or wolflike. “There’s a spoon there if it’s too hot.” He ends up sitting on the thick cream colored carpet, shoulder against the bedshirt.

There’s something childlike to the way Bucky is being, which actually reminds Steve of the first night they’d spent after he’d freed Bucky from that camp in Italy all those years ago. He very clearly sees the freshly washed, still somewhat dead eyed man sitting with him on his cot, staring almost through him until Steve couldn’t hold back a ridiculous question: ‘Do I look that bad now...?’

Bucky had snapped out of that near catatonia and started to laugh then, laugh that Steve could think he looked anything other than gorgeous, or that Bucky cared about the body he had.

The blond doesn’t really think there’s going to be that sort of immediate break through now, though. He lightly pats the floor beside him anyway.

Bucky is not the same man he had been but he’s still Bucky.

[endsinafight]

Bucky watches him as he approaches and he doesn't back away the way he had on the roof. This time it had almost been an expected movement. He doesn't touch Bucky, and he watches Steve as he sits down on the floor, a hint of confusion in his eyes as he wonders why he'd chosen the floor to sit on and not the bed. But when Steve pats the floor beside him, Bucky knows what he wants, and he takes the spoon off the tray before slowly easing himself down until they're sitting side by side.

It shouldn't feel natural, to be sitting like this with someone else, like he's an equal. But it had been Steve's choice, and it does feel natural. Like this is something they've done before.

Maybe it is and his brain is too messed up to remember.

He dips the spoon into the soup, stirring it without really thinking about it and glancing at Steve from the corner of his eye. Their shoulders are pressed close together but still not quite touching, legs stretched out in front of them. Steve is larger than Bucky, which is odd to him since nearly everyone from HYDRA is smaller than he is. He remembers one of them -- Rollins, he thinks is his name -- calling him a big dumb animal earlier this week, and how that had made the others laugh.

He wonders if any of Steve's friends call him a big dumb animal.

[bottledblond]

Steve is fine with a little silence. He and Bucky haven’t ever needed to find things to say to one another and Steve doesn’t feel the need to fill the quiet with anything more than spoon to bowl. He’s tired and still in his uniform, but there have been missions where he’s not taken it off for days. A few hours won’t kill him. He doesn’t want to broach the subject of a shower for Bucky either because it’s slowly becoming obvious to him that Bucky doesn’t quite have a grasp on autonomy here.

He isn’t going to dwell on that right now.

As Bucky finishes his meal, however, it becomes harder to keep quiet. Steve’s mind is drifting back to better days and reality will just destroy him if he lets the former take hold.

Besides, he needs information. They don’t have all the time in the world.

“What happened to your arm?” He’ll follow these questions up with strength quotient and healing factor. Eventually, he’ll get to the whole shapeshifting thing, but baby steps.

[endsinafight]

The soup tastes incredible, and he wishes he had more of it, but he doesn't ask. It's a treat to have been able to eat something like he's a person and not a machine, and he's not going to take the chance of being unable to do it again sometime by being greedy now.

It doesn't occur to him to try and make conversation. Even if Steve's not a handler -- and he's pretty sure he isn't because the sight of him doesn't cause fear to flood his veins -- conversation isn't something he has much experience with. They might talk to him but he's not allowed to talk unless asked a direct question.

But direct questions he can handle.

"It was injured in an accident. They cut it off and replaced it with a mechanical prosthetic," he answers dutifully.

[bottledblond]

“Does it hurt?” Because though it looks to be vibranium, light like his shield and flexible, that doesn’t mean it’s not painful. It’s something Tony can probably help with, or Bruce— those two are pretty much the opposite ends of a singular coin and as long as Bruce is here, he’ll temper Tony and make sure Bucky is cared for properly. That’s something for later. Something he’ll discuss eventually.

It’s baby steps with Bucky. Steve can handle that.

Whatever the answer given, the blond will nod and move on. He had the other questions, the important ones to get to. Bucky isn’t completely human. He’s not completely Bucky. He could be dangerous.

Steve has a lot of people here to protect.

“Can you control the uh... thing you do? All the time?”

[endsinafight]

His eyebrows furrow a little at that because it's worded so differently from how the scientists question him after a mission. Truthfully the arm is anything but light. It's a heavy, solid weight that had to be wired into his central nervous system and fused into his spine. "It's tolerable," he says after a moment.

He doesn't know how to explain that his pain tolerance is so high that the pain from the arm barely registers anymore at all.

"I'm not sure what you're asking."

[bottledblond]

Though Steve isn’t always a face value sort of guy, ‘tolerable’ is a better answer than ‘yes, very much so.’ It’s something to look into, but not now. Not yet. Bucky’s freedom needs to be fully secured before HYDRA (or STRIKE) come knocking.

He manages a small sigh as if feeling ridiculous for having to say any of this, but Steve is curious by nature and honestly needs to know how much of Bucky is the... what did Tony call him? A werewolf? The others don’t know how right Stark had been, though the glowing eyes didn’t do much to keep the fact that something is very wrong with Bucky (other than the whole HYDRA operative issue) from them.

He lifts an arm and props his elbow on the bed. His fingers dangle close to Bucky’s head, but the position also distances the rest of his body away. This isn’t strategic. He’s just trying to be comfortable during a difficult question.

“The fur. The teeth and your... eyes. Do you control that?”

[endsinafight]

He tries to prepare himself to face the punishment for not understanding, but instead of a harsh slap to the face, he watches as Steve shifts his position so he can see him better. The fingers near his head don't escape his notice, but he doesn't move away from them as Steve explains what he'd been talking about.

Oh.

"Yes," he answers. "But sometimes my behavior becomes erratic when I'm out for too long." It's why they had to put him in the chair so often; if he was out of cryo for too long, he'd end up lashing out at the scientists. At the handlers. At the STRIKE team. At whoever happened to be too close to him at the time.

[bottledblond]

Bucky doesn’t need to say the last part for Steve to begin to make guesses. Rumlow has seemed to be eluding to it as well. Bucky, one of their weapons, should have had fail safes in place to keep him from acting out, or going against orders, but instead, all they had were guns and sedatives. That means that they can’t control the thing that they had made, or that their brainwashing doesn’t stick for too long.

The mind does tend to heal itself after all. And if Bucky is out of... whatever contains him... for too long, he very likely would attack the people holding him.

It all leads back to what his best friend told him not too long ago when he said he’s dangerous.

Steve’s face grows serious.

“Buck, this is important— Can you control yourself or will you possibly hurt me?”

[endsinafight]

It's an important question. Maybe the most important question that Steve could ask, and it's one he knows he has to answer. He's always been required to answer with the utmost honesty because his erratic behavior could cause harm to a handler. He reminds himself that Steve isn't a handler. He's more important.

"I don't want to hurt you," he admits. "But you should put me in containment just in case." He doesn't want to go in another containment cell, but it's better than the injections that could stop him, that make his blood boil like liquid fire.

But complete honesty is part of his programming.

"But there are other methods that are effective if you have to stop me. An injection that contains wolfsbane and mistletoe will render me non-functional for approximately two to eight hours depending on the dosage until they work their way out of my bloodstream."

[bottledblond]

“Maybe we should stay away from the medical stuff if we can,” Steve says, smile perfectly lopsided. “You used to hate getting shots.” And it had been bad enough to pretend to jab that syringe into Bucky.

He can’t help but think that it might be a good idea to take Bucky to Banner’s containment unit, though. He isn’t sure he could properly stop him from hurting someone else if it meant hurting Bucky first. Steve’s loyalties, once earned, are unshakable.

“Tell you what, pal. We’ll get you some more of that soup and then you can take a shower and get changed and we’ll go see if Doctor Banner can take out any of his things from the containment unit, all right?” Maybe they should move more quickly, Steve doesn’t know how long they have before Bucky goes, for lack of a better word, feral. He still wants to treat him as human as possible. “Shower is through there. I’m going to see about clothes.”

Leaving Bucky is hard, harder this time than the last, so if he doesn’t do it now, he might not try again. Steve leaves the tray behind and hurries out of the room. He’ll find Tony and Bruce together, arguing over something or other that just goes over his head. “Gonna take you up on that offer for the containment unit, Tony,” he says, breaking into their conversation. “He might not be fully stable.”

“So you left him alone...? You know you can just call right?”

Steve frowns. “He’s all right. Oh, I need clothes too. For him. Doc, hate to ask but—“

“But Tony thinks he’s a teenager I know,” Bruce says, kindly. Tony just scoffs.

[endsinafight]

His expression brightens a little at the mention of more soup, even if he doesn't want to think about the shower right now. He hates the ice cold hose downs he has to get after a mission, before they either lock him in a cell for the night or put him back into the tube. He'll focus on the fact that he's being rewarded for something even if he's not sure what he'd done to earn it. Maybe Steve's just nice.

He nods in agreement, but hesitates at the mention of the shower even as he rises to his feet reluctantly, setting the bowl on the tray and watches as Steve heads out of the room.

Bucky makes his way cautiously into the bathroom, pleasantly surprised to realize it's an actual shower and not just a room with a drain and a hose. It's nice. The towels are fluffy as he runs his fingers over the one he pulls from the closet, not sure why it even occurs to him to look there.

There's soap in the shower, too, and shampoo. He steps in and stares at the handle for a moment before turning it on, cringing when the water comes out ice cold. But his eyes widen as it quickly warms up to something a lot more comfortable and a faint noise escapes him as he moves to step up right under the spray of the shower. He lathers himself up and washes his skin and his hair, rinsing all the suds off and repeating the process once more. He'll be in trouble for using the warmer water, but he'll accept the punishment gladly because the hot water feels so good.

He wraps the towel around himself when he's through, hair dripping wet as he returns to the bedroom, kneeling down on the floor and waiting for Steve to come back.

[bottledblond]

Steve doesn’t return alone, which makes the whole scene of Bucky in a towel, sopping wet and kneeling on the floor by the foot of the bed something a little akin to a porno. Tony even mutters as much, though Bruce gives him a cutting look that actually makes the older man shut his mouth. Steve would be impressed, but he’s too focused on Bucky.

There are clothes tucked under his arms, soft clothes, clothes that Bruce eluded to going to bed in though Steve finds them to be generic and maybe a little overly stretchy, like the work out clothes Bucky used to wear to box at the gym. They’re heathered grey and look too big for Banner but should fit Bucky just fine. He’s got a big bowl of soup in one hand in case Bucky is hungry still (of course he is), and the promise of more by way of a pot simmering on the stove in the kitchen.

“Bucky, this is Tony. I don’t know if you remember Howard Stark, but this is his son. And this is Doctor Banner. They’re both here to help you. How about you get dressed and have some more dinner?”

[endsinafight]

He hadn't anticipated anyone else being there, but he should have. His shoulders tighten a little but he blanches involuntarily at the sight, immediately dropping his gaze to the floor, heart beating harder in his chest. He knows what it means when there's more than one handler during a punishment. It means it's going to be bad. Really bad.

His body trembles and he closes his eyes, trying to prepare himself for the inevitable pain. When it doesn't come immediately, he realizes they're waiting for him to confess first. Because that's what they do, to make sure he knows why he's being punished.

"I used hot water and not cold," he says, not daring to look up.

Bruce shoots a confused look at Steve and then at Tony.

[bottledblond]

“Oh..Kay, Bucky, that’s fine,” Steve says with concern as he puts down the soup and tries to figure out how to comfort the man. “We’re not HYDRA. It’s not going to be like that. I’m Steve, you remember me, right?”

“We have to talk if your boyfriend is going to have flashbacks,” Tony says, insensitive like his brand has always been. Steve almost hates him for it. He doesn’t understand what genuine hardship is, he never has, and he doesn’t have the right sort of compassion to deal with someone obviously going through PTSD.

Steve thinks he should have gotten Sam instead as he crouches down to offer Bucky the clothing he’s got.

“Never gonna hurt you, you know that. I couldn’t.”

[endsinafight]

He holds his breath when he's addressed as Bucky and not Asset or worse yet, Soldier. No one calls him Bucky. He hasn't been Bucky in a long, long time. He blinks a couple of times when the familiar figure is suddenly crouched in front of him and it takes him a few more seconds to remember that he's not at the HYDRA base now. He's somewhere else. And Steve -- Steve is there, promising not to hurt him.

Steve.

His shoulders drop once more, relaxing from their tense posture as he looks back at him. "I got mixed up," he admits quietly.

Bruce looks from Bucky to Steve, troubled expression on his face. "Let's give 'em a minute," he murmurs to Tony, moving toward the door slowly.

[bottledblond]

“You can just say you want to get popcorn,” Tony says in response but he lets Bruce take his elbow and yank him out of the room. He’s not as terrible a person as he comes off, but he likes playing the jerk. It usually keeps people away. Banner has never seemed to get the memo, though his own personal issues keep him out of Tony’s life for months at a time.

They’re out in the hallway, not getting the popcorn Tony teased about, as Steve stupidly forgets himself and brushes his knuckles back across Bucky’s chin towards his ear and then lays his hand on the back of his neck.

He hasn’t done that in a long time, but his muscles remember the intimate touch and he can’t help himself. “It’s okay to be confused. I’m here to help you out.”

[endsinafight]

A quiet noise escapes him when Steve's knuckles brush over his skin and his hand lands at the back of his neck, and a shiver makes its way through him. His eyes are glassy when he meets Steve's gaze. The touch doesn't hurt, though there's little doubt that it could, if Steve decides to squeeze his hand around his throat. But it doesn't happen.

"Are you really here?" He knows he shouldn't, but he reaches up with his flesh hand and rests it at the back of Steve's neck in an echo of movement. Trying to make sure this is happening, that he's not imagining. That this is really Steve and not someone pretending to be Steve to make him more compliant to their orders. But he hasn't issued any orders. He gave him soup and let him shower and didn't punish him for using warm water.

"Is this real?"

[bottledblond]

The softest of breaths release from between Steve’s momentarily parted lips and he nods, moving a little closer until his forehead can rest on Bucky’s. His eyes close and the grief and joy he feels for having Bucky back in his life cancel each other out, but still cause his eyelashes to wet. His nod is slight, emotion working in his jaw like sticky, sweet candy.

“Yeah Buck. I’m here. This is real. You’re real... you’re alive. Everything can be okay again.” That’s probably not a true statement but Steve will cling to it even so, fingertips lightly massaging the back of Bucky’s neck.

It’s been a long time since he’s felt Bucky in his arms, but as it’s always been between them, the whole of it is dangerous. There’s no worry about chemical castration or criminal charges now, but the roadblocks are still there in heaps and measures.

[endsinafight]

Bucky's eyes drift shut when Steve's forehead leans against his and he lets out a shuddering breath before shifting closer and burying his face against Steve's neck, arms winding around his torso. His skin is warm to the touch, faint hint of cologne and salt lingering there. He can feel Steve's heartbeat against his chest and he focuses, listening to the sound, strong and steady.

That part feels new, different. Like maybe it hadn't always been so strong even if he has no idea what makes him think that.

His mind clings to the words that this is real, that Steve is there, and that this isn't some kind of dream or hallucination. How could it be, anyway, when HYDRA never allows him to sleep outside of cryo? Weapons don't dream.

"What happens now?" He doesn't pull away, just lets his arms remain wrapped around Steve.

[bottledblond]

Wet hair soaks into his neck and warm moisture trickles into the collar of the shirt he wears under his uniform but Steve doesn’t care. Bucky is warmer to hold onto than he remembers and it’s soothing to wrap his arms around him fully, despite a small inkling in the back of his head that Bucky is much less comfortable with all of the rigid leather and ballistic resistant armor in his uniform.

It just would not be appropriate to strip down with him, and not just because there are men waiting on them.

Steve gently traces small, precise patterns on Bucky’s back, just as he used to do, sketching geometric shapes without ink against his skin. The question doesn’t catch him off guard. He can understand Bucky’s worry. The unknown is always frightening. Even for too brave idiots like him.

“You’ll get dressed. You’ll have as much to eat as you want. And then you’ll get some sleep while we try to get you better,” he responds evenly.

Ugh. Sorry. Stuck on jury duty this week.

[endsinafight]

Bucky has such a limited capacity of understanding of what comfortable is these days he barely notices the rigid leather and armor of Steve's Captain America uniform. What he does know is that for the first time that he can remember, he feels safe. Steve's fingers moving across his skin gives him a shivery pleasant feeling, and the fact that he doesn't get in trouble for asking a question without permission is startling.

"Okay," he murmurs, not pulling away just yet. He assumes by sleep that Steve means they've got a cryo tube waiting for him. He doesn't like the sensation of freezing over or that of unthawing, but at least he knows what to expect. He knows that once he's frozen there's an almost blissful darkness that overtakes him.

Oh my gosh you poor thing. How boring!

[bottledblond]

They can’t just stay here all night, not with the curious out in the hall waiting for them. Tony is more than likely the sort do pop in willy nilly to see what’s going on, and Steve can do without the teasing.

After Bucky is up and dressed, Steve actually finds himself surprised that the hallway is empty. He frowns and asks JARVIS where Tony is, only to be told that he and Banner are moving some things out of the containment unit.

It’s just one floor up, and he and Bucky take the stairs and pass the kitchen along the way. As promised, there’s more soup for him and Steve has a bowl too, not because he’s hungry for it, but because he wants to do more than just stare at Bucky whole he eats.

After that, it’s off to find the scientists. Bucky won’t recognize the containment unit for what it is. The walls are made of wood paneled vibranium. There’s a bed and a desk with a chair and a small commode with a privacy curtain around it. It’s not extravagant but Tony has turned what could have been an unpleasant glass of metal box into something comfortable for his friend to use when he felt like he needed the extra degree of protection.

Tony isn’t really helping Bruce move out some things as Bucky and Steve enter the hallway, he’s just watching, munching on some sort of freeze dried fruit. “Kiss and make up?”

Tony is maddening but Steve doesn’t let himself be drawn in.

Yes. Almost 8 full hours today wasted. Ugh.

[endsinafight]

Bucky's both wary and fascinated by JARVIS -- who's apparently some sort of computer or robot that understands full conversations. It's nothing that he's familiar with (at least not that he can remember). He follows Steve closely, though, gaze darting around the corridors even as he eats another bowl of soup on the way to the containment unit.

He stops right behind Steve as they approach the other two men, a thrum of anxiety pulsing through his veins. There's something vaguely familiar about the one eating some kind of brightly colored food in the hallway, but he has no idea what it is. His tone when he speaks is upbeat and light but a glance at Steve tells him he's not amused by whatever the other meant by kiss and make up.

His gaze shifts to the other man who'd come up to Steve's apartment, who's currently lugging some kind of stereo equipment out of another room.

"You know, a little help would've been nice," Bruce grumbles, glancing meaningfully at Tony.

Wordlessly, Bucky sets the bowl of soup on the floor out of the way and moves closer, holding his arms out.